You Aren't Broken, just ask Buddha!

Try the following exercise when you notice self-judgment (Your inner critic or any other name you want to give that part of your mind). Afterwards, I'll talk more about Buddha's part in all of this for those interested! First, I will list the specific steps below. Next, I will give more detail about each of the steps, and then... Buddha.

1. Name the part of your mind that always has a something self-critical to say! I like to use the simple "Inner Critic" but it can be anything at all. Be kind and be playful. Please don't try this with a very painful and possibly traumatic experience you are dealing with. This blog is meant to be helpful in a lighthearted way and not a replacement for therapy. This exercise is meant to be used with the 'everyday' stresses we all encounter. Please see below for further explanation.
   

2. Any time you notice that part of your mind using critical comments, say silently to yourself, "Thanks Mind (Or inner critic or any name you've chosen). I know what you are trying to do but I don't need that kind of help. I've got this."
   

3. Immediately put your attention on something that is important to you in this moment. It can be your observation of something happening or noticing yourself engaging in some valued way. If you'd like putting your attention on your breath will work. You can probably predict moments this voice will show up and plan on how you want to respond with your attention.

4. Please see below for more of an explanation.

How and why are these steps supposed to work?

Please know that no exercise works for everyone. If this doesn't work for you, then it wasn't the right fit. Sometimes a more specific strategy is needed and can happen more carefully in a therapy session.

Naming that critical part of your mind can help create some distance between you and your critical thoughts. Critical thoughts have a purpose, but they aren't always helpful. You are not your thoughts! You can notice your thoughts and learn to pay attention to the helpful ones. Ask yourself, what is this critical part of my mind trying to tell me? Even the most burdensome thoughts such as, "I'm not good enough' have a purpose. Most of the time our mind is trying to remind us how important something is to us. It can be the mind's way of protecting us from harm. If we fear failing and listen to the critical mind's warning, we don't move out of our comfort zone. We stay safe but we don't grow or change.

We need to be able to accept our critical mind in order to do two things.

1. If we notice our critical thoughts with compassion about their purpose, then we can be more accepting of who we are.

2. When we are more compassionate and accepting of who we are, then we are more willing to accept the things we need to change.

Thanking your mind from a place of sincerity builds on this self-compassion skill and there is a release of the struggle to fight this critical thinking. When you stop putting so much energy into fighting the critical mind and you have less judgment, this frees up energy you can put into what really matters.

I'll walk you through a quick example. A man feels consumed by thoughts such as, "I will never be as good as the rest of these people" when we walks into the office. He spends a good part of each day trying to block out these thoughts. Other parts of his day he allows these self-defeating thoughts to prevent him from taking risks. There are also parts of his day that these thoughts and his attempts to squash them cause him to be distracted.

He decides that what's most important to him is taking more risks in the office to perform better. His goals are to 1., Volunteer for committee's during meetings and 2., Give his opinion in office meetings. This is what he worked on:

• Every day for 1 minute before work he allowed his mind to flood with self-defeating thoughts. He then thanks his mind and says silently to himself, "Thank you mind. I know what you are trying to do, but I've got this." He genuinely allows himself to notice that his mind is not his enemy and has a benign purpose.

• He then imagines the behaviors he will engage in while attending office meetings. (See Goals above).

• As he notices these critical thoughts during the workday he repeats the steps and actually engages in the behaviors.

It is important to practice the skill before actually needing it. It is difficult to wait until you are in the moment of action and be able to access the skill. The daily practice is essential.

What does Buddha have to do with this? It's all about the importance of having self-compassion. I'll put it simply, the teachings and practices of Buddha encourage the facing of feelings of unworthiness and insecurity with self-compassion. The message helps undo painful and mistaken notions that people are flawed and alone in their suffering. It is human to have thoughts of unworthiness and not being good enough but it is the fear of something being wrong with us because we have these thoughts that leads to suffering. We need to recognize our basic goodness in these moments.