Midterms, Meltdowns and Mindfulness: A College Survival Guide!

Tips from a Counselor (and mom of college student)!

The often-Hidden Pressures of college.

I just dropped my college sophomore off and am preparing for my high school senior's last year at home! The worries are real, and I'll admit that I've had some sleepless nights. I have a "Mom's" perspective, and I also work with college students in my counseling practice. I am able to see it through their eyes as well. It is a difficult time that doesn't get enough attention underneath all the excitement of starting this chapter of independence! Don't get me wrong, there is a lot of great stuff kids get to experience! You won't hear about that in this post because no one needs any help with the good stuff that happens.

The Most Common Struggles:

• Academic pressure and perfectionism.

• Social anxiety/comparison and imposter syndrome.

• Coping with the uncertainty about the future and confusion about what matters!

College is exciting so we don't often expect there to be so many challenges!

These challenges can lead to spiraling anxiety, procrastination and avoidance!

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There are a few things college students can do in order to thrive!

• Learn how to bring your strengths into managing stressful situations.

• Noticing spiraling thoughts without letting them control you.

• Try mindfulness and get better focus.

• Don't let social anxiety keep you from having a good time

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Easier Said than Done? It sure is but read on for some strategies that many students have found helpful.

You Don't Have to Eliminate Stress to Get What You Want Out of College!

College is stressful and a natural time developmentally to be confused about what is important to you. You might even find yourself challenging your beliefs and getting grief from your family about it. No one should tell you to "Calm down" or "Don't get so stressed out!" So, it doesn't help if you beat yourself up for being stressed. Try out some of these strategies for some of the common struggles I hear about.

Build your confidence in handling stressful situations.

Fear is one of the most common reasons for procrastination, and everyone experiences this in college. Procrastination leads to anxiety and then more procrastination. Practicing how to cope with the fear of failing or poor performance can decrease procrastination. Take the following example:

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Sam always wanted to be in the medical field and thought of no other career until college. He always made good grades without having to put much work into it, as his intelligence made it naturally easy. However, he always had very high expectations and continued to want to excel academically in college. For the first time in his life, he began to experience intrusive, fearful thoughts about not being able to learn the new difficult material in his biology classes. This was the first time he had ever had serious thoughts about "not performing well academically." These fearful thoughts were unbearable and caused him a lot of distress. This distress would show up any time he even thought about studying, so he avoided studying. This led to poor grades, which further reinforced his fears and made him even less willing to study. It wasn't that he couldn't learn the material, but that his fears kept him from doing what was necessary to learn and perform well. Sam needed to learn to live with the stress of having high academic expectations if he truly wanted to be a medical provider. There was no chance the stress would go away because he would have to not care about academics. He learned how to use this simple exercise every day to get better about procrastinating! (He still puts things off a little.)

Reset how your brain responds in that moment you have the power to choose whether to avoid or start studying. It is hard to break the habit of procrastinating because it is such a relief the minute you decide to do anything other than study. Your brain gets an immediate break from unwanted thoughts about failing, high expectations, etc. Try this exercise every time you have the urge to put off studying!

1. Literally sit still, close your eyes, and 2. notice what unwanted thoughts are showing up. 3. Take 3 long, deep breaths and count backwards from 5 slowly with your eyes closed. 4. Again, notice what thoughts are showing up and say silently to yourself, "These thoughts don't have to define who I am." 5. Take 3 long, deep breaths again and slowly count backwards from 5. 6. Now, silently say something truthful that you 100% believe that might make this choice lighter for you. It doesn't matter what the thought is as long as you believe it is true and it is helpful in this situation. An example might be, "I can do anything for 5 minutes if I really want it to happen."

You have the power to choose!

Ease into social situations and cope with imposter syndrome.

Nearly all students experience concerns about acceptance and fitting in. Some struggle with more intense intrusive thoughts about being judged and not belonging. Imposter syndrome arises when a student starts having spiraling thoughts that disrupt their ability to connect with others. These thoughts focus on the idea that they are merely pretending to fit in and don't truly belong. Some students say this mindset keeps them socially isolated, while others maintain an active social life but are consumed by the fear of others discovering their true selves.

Follow these steps to begin working through this social anxiety:

1. Remind yourself that you are not broken and your thinking is normal for this time of life. 2. Make a list of social situations that you want to be involved in and commit to one more than you are currently attending. 3. Wait at least 10 minutes before leaving the situation if your anxious thoughts show up. 4. Have a plan on how to stay even if you have anxious thoughts while attending. 5. Practice imagining how it will be in this situation. Think of the worst-case scenario and allow yourself to plan how to respond. Notice what thoughts and feelings show up even as you imagine the situation. Spend some time reflecting on why it is important to be in these social situations so you can mentally experience why it is worth it.

Tips for exams! If you have trouble focusing on long writing long research papers or taking exams, try some of these strategies.

• Create a mindful study space. Know what you need to get your best studying done and commit to making it happen. Some need to find a quiet space in the library, and some have rooms you can reserve. Others can study with headphones on in their dorm with others present. Plan ahead based on what you need!

  
  

• If concentration is the problem, there are ways to increase focus all day long. If you practice at other times throughout the day, it becomes easier during stressful situations like exams. Pick one or two things you do each day and spend at least 2-3 minutes putting all your attention on what you can notice with your five senses. Any time you get distracted, say "Distraction" and put your attention back on your five senses noticing. You'll begin to notice this becomes easier with fewer distracting thoughts. During exams, you'll find that your mind wanders off less often!

Remember to take advantage of college resources designed to help with all of these struggles. The counseling centers on campus are available to students free of charge. Take advantage of study groups, clubs, and other campus organizations that interest you.

If you're worried that your stress is beyond what you can manage with a few basic strategies, reach out to someone! Share your concerns with a trusted friend or family member and consider seeking professional assistance. This post is not intended to address more serious mental health challenges that many college students face.