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Unlock Bad Habits with These 4 Keys!
- angie03212
- May 15
- 6 min read
Why Habits are so hard to Stop!
You have probably tried to help your child stop their bad habit or even had a tough time breaking your own bad habit. It is nearly impossible to just stop a habit cold turkey, and the effort put into trying can actually make it worse. Too much thinking about wanting to stop can lead to more of the same bad habit. This is exhausting and self-defeating for both of you. It can be an endless cycle that gets "locked in place".
Bad Habits have a Way of Sneaking up On us.
Some unpleasant habits can be part of a larger mental health issue, but I am not addressing these today. Please reach out to a mental health professional if you need more support. The habits we will talk about today are the most common habits kids develop, which can get out of control quickly. Skin picking, nose picking, nail biting, and thumb sucking are a few examples. These habits have an honest beginning! They usually help your child accomplish something, fix something, or get something done with their bodies. (Picking scabs stops the itching feeling, picking the nose gets out the annoying booger, scratching a bug bite relieves the pain/itch, etc.) The behavior works, so they keep doing it, and all of a sudden, it becomes a "problem." This usually means that your child begins to do this behavior more frequently and more intensely. Our attempts to help them stop don't work, and then we are frustrated. Sometimes our kids feel ashamed and think something is horribly wrong with them. This is not the case, and most bad habits are behaviors every child does. Some kids are more prone to locking that habit in place.
Unlock the pattern by developing New Habits!
It is nearly impossible to stop bad habits! In fact, trying to stop them can make things worse. It draws more attention to the habit in younger kids and makes older children feel worse about themselves when they can't stop. It is much easier to develop new habits to replace them that are not problematic. We can help our children unlock problem habits with the following keys! The keys work together but can be used independently because they have similar functions.
I have taken some great ideas from the wonderful book "What To Do When Bad Habits Take Hold.", by Dawn Huebner, Ph.D. Please check out her entire line of self-help books for kids and their families!
The Keys to Unlocking Bad Habits
Key 1: Block It!!
Learn to block the habit by doing something that gets in its way. Blocking helps your child take more notice of what they are doing with their body. If they are doing more noticing, it's easier to switch to another action instead. Get creative and use Blocks that will appeal to your child specifically. To make the point clear I'll give you a few more generic suggestions.
Block nail biting by putting band aids over nails or wearing nail polish.
Wear lightweight gloves to bed to prevent night-time picking
Block eyelash plucking by putting petroleum jelly on lashes
Keep mosquito bites covered to block scratching.
My son had a shirt collar and sleeves chewing habit as a toddler. It helped to wear shirts without collars and sleeves!
** The blocking helps the body heal as well. The different feel of the body affected by the habit draws kids in as they like the way it feels. As the body heals, it no longer has this reinforcing "different feel".
Let your kid help make the Block Plan as it'll be much more effective if he knows it's his own. Kids honestly have the best ideas even though they might seem a little unorthodox to us. Go with the flow and let them use whatever crazy block idea they come up with.
Key 2: The Fidget Key
Most parents are familiar with the popular fidget toys that have been around for many years. This is a version of these, and some of the toys you already have lying around might do the trick. These problematic habits usually involve the movement of the hands or mouth, and kids naturally keep them busy and moving! We need to help them find other ways to fidget than the behaviors that cause them problems. Again, use your creativity by finding fun ways to keep the body busy instead of being locked in a bad habit. You might need to find different fidget actions for different locations. Something that works during homework might not be appropriate for school. Your child might also be embarrassed and not want to draw attention to themselves.
There are two main steps to using this Key:
Help your child determine when they perform the bad habit the most and come up with a funny and relatable name. A recent client of mine named his "High Alert" times.
Decide the best fidget keys to use during each of these times.
Here are some suggestions from my clients!
Doodle
Pick white out that you've painted on a throw away object during homework!
chew candy or gum
Whistle or sing
Pet your animal!
play with an actual fidget toy
Key 3: The Move It Key
The Move It key is very similar to the fidget key with a slight important difference. It is usually very helpful to find a movement that replaces the movement in the bad habit. This key is not about keeping busy but imitating the movement that has been hard to break. Help your child find something else to bite, chew, scratch, pull, or suck!
Dr. Huebner had some great suggestions in her book mentioned above:
suck on candy instead of thumbs
tear paper or another throw away item instead of tearing nails with teeth
instead of pulling hairs pull on a hair tie around the wrist
pick nail polish from plastic
Here are a few from my clients:
pick and peel dried white glue during homework instead of scratching and picking bug bites
put white out on a plastic throw away object and pick it off when dried.
Key 4: The Feelings Key
Many people think of bad body habits as "nervous habits," but not all kids who develop body habits are anxious or nervous. Simply put, the tension in our body builds up when we experience bigger emotions/feelings. Repetitive motions involved in these habits help release some of that tension. Tension can build when kids are bored, angry, embarrassed, excited, or sad. Even "bad habits" can work to help a child calm down and feel less amped up. This is another reason why habits get locked in place—they serve a purpose.
Enter the Feelings Key! You can help your kids find other ways to release tension even if you aren't sure what emotion caused the tension. Sometimes kids aren't sure either, and they mean it when they tell you, "I don't know." The good news is that you don't have to have all the answers to be able to help your child feel calmer and less stressed in their body. Begin to include new ways to help your kids release tension. This can be done any time it fits into your busy schedule.
Try some of these simple tension releasing activities or come up with your own creative ideas:
Wall push ups
yoga/stretching
tossing a ball into a bucket
singing
writing down feelings in a journal
drawing, painting, coloring or crafting of any kind
It doesn't matter which activity you pick but make sure you decide on an activity that easily fits into your day. It is important that you practice every day but even 5 minutes is enough time!
Practice, Practice, Practice
The most difficult part of this key routine is being consistent. It is so hard to keep up with using the keys during the first few days. After a week, it gets much easier, but it is important to keep using the keys for up to a month or longer. You will begin to notice progress in the first two weeks, but it takes longer for the new habits to replace the old ones. When the habit is gone, decide on a plan to handle any setbacks. It is normal for the old habit to show up again during a particularly stressful time, but you can catch it quickly and prevent it from becoming locked in place!
Participate as much as you can alongside your child as they use the keys. Your positive reinforcement and attention greatly increase the chance they will be cooperative, and it makes it more fun! Be as creative and fun as you'd like and tailor
any Key to fit your child.
If you are concerned that your child's behavior and/or emotions need more individual care, please seek out a mental health professional.
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