What is Parent Coaching? I Just Want Help for My Kiddo Before I Lose My Mind!

Deciding on what type of counseling is best for you can be difficult!

Parent Coaching versus Family Therapy

I have parents who reach out wanting help with their kiddo's behavior because they have tried everything and are at their wit's end! Specifically with children between the ages of 7-10 I often recommend Parent Coaching as a first step. This can be very confusing for families so I would like to offer some clarity. I suggest Parent Coaching when I believe it will be the best fit. Many parents feel confused on what this type of counseling offers when compared to family or individual therapy. I can only be specific about what I offer in my practice, but I hope this can be helpful for anyone seeking counseling no matter what provider you choose. In general terms Parent Coaching involves the therapist working with the parents alone in order to teach them and support them using the most effective methods to reduce problematic behaviors.

In Family Therapy the therapist works with all or most of the family together and separately when appropriate.In some cases the therapist works alone with child and brings the parents into part of these meetings. . Usually this means that the parent attends the beginning or end of the session to talk about what the child has learned or will be working on. The parent component is important with kids under the age of 10 to reinforce what is learned in the sessions while in their home environment.

Help! What is the best for my family struggles?

Comparing and Contrasting

Potential therapists will inform you of what service they think will be the best fit for your family. However, knowing more about the differences can help you make an informed decision on what you think is best for your family.

Parent Coaching

Focuses on helping parents develop specific skills.
Aims to empower parents to address challenges with their children.
Is more direct, didactic and instructional than family therapy.
Generally short-term and goal oriented. Sessions are 60 -90 minutes long and usually occur bi-weekly or monthly. It is important to give parents time to implement the changes.
Therapist works alongside the parents without the child present. The exception is Parent Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT). This is a specific type of therapy that combines elements of both family therapy and parent coaching. Check out my previous blog for more information on PCIT>
Recommended for families when the problematic behaviors are only occurring in the home setting, are related to ADHD or ODD diagnosis and the child is between the age of 7-10.
Might involve the child in the sessions towards the end of therapy.
Therapist lends expertise on the most effective methods to approach problem behaviors but can be flexible based on the parent's specific situation/factors, etc..
Rooted in elements of operant conditioning, attachment theory, behavior analysis, cognitive behavior therapy and acceptance and commitment therapy.

What type of counseling support works best?

Family Therapy

Involves the whole family unit in sessions. Some sessions may involve the entire family or parts.
Aims to resolve deeper emotional or relational issues.
Less directive and instructional and more of an open sharing approach in which the therapist engages with the family to facilitate helpful changes.
Therapist does not dictate what should happen but helps the family discover what is contributing to the problems.
Typically, a longer process with weekly 60-minute sessions.
The child might have the problem behaviors that prompted therapy, but all members explore what they can change to help the family system.
System approach rather than an individual approach. Therapist takes the stance that all members have a part in the process.
Can involve many different modalities depending on the needs of the family.
Usually involves some elements of art, narrative and play therapy when younger children are present.
Parents are encouraged to practice the skills with their child outside the session
time.

Know your Goals before you begin!

What Are Your Goals?

Both coaching and family therapy approaches can achieve similar goals. Ultimately, you and the clinician work together to decide which methods will be most effective. Identify your family's objectives and ask all the important questions when assessing potential providers. Here are some guidelines to assist you with your decision.

Parent Coaching Goals

Parents can learn to be more consistent and follow through with consequences.
Parents can help their children with ADHD by providing a more structured routine and being clear about expectations and consequences.
Works best when the primary problem is child oppositional behavior that only occurs in the home and not in school.
Boosting parental confidence and decision-making.
Supporting parents at implementing more positive reinforcement especially when problematic child behaviors make this difficult.
Guidance on what types of parent responses work best to decrease undesired behaviors and increase desired behaviors.
Assists with child behaviors like separation anxiety and sleep disturbances, including difficulties sleeping alone or in their own beds.
Works best when children are under the age of 12.

Family Therapy Goals

Enhancing communication within the family to improve conflict resolution skills.
Works well with children 10 years and older with a more mature understanding of complex emotions and have good insight into their own behavior.
Addressing underlying issues that affect a particular relationship in the family.
Promoting healing and understanding among family members who have experienced a traumatic event.
Ideal for when a new family member joins the unit or when a family member returns after being absent for a considerable period.

Are there signs that make one better than the other?

Signs to Consider Parent Coaching

Child is under 12 years old and is diagnosed with ADHD or ODD
Parents arguing in front of the children and/or having a difficult time being a united front.
Wanting to improve specific behaviors in children when things are going well in other areas.
Big divide in parenting values and can't find common ground
Primary disruption is bedtime and separating from parents.

Signs to Consider Family Therapy

Experiencing persistent family conflict. The methods of communicating are distressing.
Noticing emotional struggles among family members.
Wanting to foster a more supportive family environment.
Anxiety or Trauma is the function behind the problematic behavior
Depression in young children (under 10 years old).

What Does Each Process Look Like?

The approach can vary from clinician to clinician, so I'll share my process.

Parent Coaching Process

Initial assessment from the parents' perspective. Each parent completes their own intake forms prior to the first session. In most cases the initial assessment involves both parents together. In certain situations, there are separate parent meetings. This initial session is 90 minutes.
Treatment plan and goals are established together in the first two sessions. Timeline for number and frequency of sessions is established.
Regular 60-minute sessions focusing on strategies and progress. Problem solving around the barriers to the treatment plan. Changes to the treatment plan are made.
Role plays are other experiential exercises can be necessary when one or both parents is "stuck".
Practicing of how to use particular skills.
Follow up in between sessions via email and/or phone calls.
Individual sessions with the child towards the end of treatment for any remaining challenges not addressed with the parents.
Therapist takes a direct approach with more didactic focus.
Average number of sessions is 4-8. Some families can gather enough support in 1-2 sessions.

Family Therapy Process

Initial family assessment to gather everyone's input. Each family member completes intake forms appropriate for the corresponding age. Therapist meets with members separately and then all together. This can occur in the first 90-minute session or divided between first 1-3 sessions.
In-depth sessions focusing on communication and relationship-building. Therapist takes a stance of being a facilitator and 'part' of the family process rather than a direct approach.
Regular feedback and adjustments to the therapeutic approach. Experiential exercises are used to both engage younger children and to help members experience changes rather than 'learn' and talk about them.
During sessions, family members are treated more equally, and an authority-based dynamic is discouraged.
Not typically a brief therapy and the average number of sessions rests between 8-12.

Counseling is tough decision because it's so important to you.

Conclusion-You Are the Expert on Your Family!

When choosing between parent coaching and a more traditional family therapy that includes the child, it's essential to clearly understand your therapy goals. Be proactive and ask crucial questions when evaluating potential providers to ensure a good match. Remember you are the expert on your family!! Key considerations include the communication styles of all family members, child's age, behavior, and diagnosis (if applicable). Generally, children under 10 exhibiting ADHD and/or ODD behaviors may benefit more from parent coaching. In contrast, family therapy (with the child present) tends to better support issues related to anxiety, adjustment, and trauma. If the primary concern is parental disagreement and the need for unity, parent coaching might be more effective. Each family and child are unique, so decisions shouldn't be based solely on diagnosis and age. Thoughtful consideration and discussion with the therapist will guide you in making the best choice for your child.