To Share or Not to Share.......

I wanted my very first blog to be educational but also provide a little insight into who I am as a person and how this effects my work. The message was clear in grad school- You Don’t disclose personal information to clients EVER!! It’s possible I missed a signal, but I believe that was the overall consensus among my professors and fellow students. I held steadfast to this style until about three years ago. I was introduced to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) in a training. I now believe that it is important to share parts of my story when appropriate during our sessions. I must be very diligent and careful that this disclosure is to support the client ONLY. If I share a part of my life it is meant to show that I understand some small part of what they are going through. It helps me be present and connect in that moment with my client. It opens up the room to a place of acceptance for difficult emotions to be present. This is so important in my work- showing my clients that I am not going to let my fears prevent me from helping them stay with their difficult feelings. A quote that I read in one of my favorite ACT trainings, has always stuck with me:

Kelly Wilson wrote, “If you are reaching for a box of tissue to give your clients when their difficult experiences show up, then you are missing the moment”.

I am not sharing my personal experiences in every session with every client– it only happens from time to time.

Today I want to share an experience that has influenced my work as a psychotherapist. I hope this connects with some of you, and you’ll be aware that I too have experienced deep sadness and sometimes debilitating anxiety. Like so many other people, mental illness has always lingered around in my life. Several members of my family suffer from depression, addiction and anxiety. I want to mention my Mother Margaret briefly. She suffered from bi-polar disorder and subsequently addiction. There were months at a time when my mother wasn’t able to get out of bed. She would often become psychotic and would need hospitalization. That’s not really the message I want to share though. I have so many thoughts of regret when it comes to how hard I was on my mother. If I knew then what I know now about mental illness, I would have been warmer and more accepting of her failings. I would not have kept her at such a distance and acted so angrily towards her.

There is also a part of my mind that knows I was a child, and what I experienced as a result of her behavior wasn’t okay. I will always live with this balance of thinking and feeling. I cannot delete the thoughts that remind me I could have made different choices in the way I responded to her. I have learned to have grace and compassion for myself. She died 16 years ago and, I still have moments of sadness that come rushing through me. I have loving memories that show up also. I thank my mother now, because this struggle to understand her helped shape my path in counseling others. Self-compassion has been so important to me. I am going to share one of my favorite self-compassion exercises. I am going to download the audio to my resource page so please look for it there! Thank you! Please know that this exercise helps best when practiced regularly during a difficult time and isn’t meant as a substitute for mental health support. If you think you need the help of a therapist, please take advantage of my resource page as I have included emergency and non-emergency contact numbers. I am more than happy to provide referrals for therapists that practice locally.