I wish there was such a thing! A pioneer in the field of research psychology Dr. Steven Hayes, once said, "The only way to get rid of anxious thoughts and feelings is a frontal Lobotomy or a Bottle in Front of me!" This always makes me chuckle and takes a load off the intruding and sometimes burdensome thinking I've got going on! (Just for a minute.)
So, what does that mean?
Our experiences in life need to teach us about how to move forward so our brains store our thoughts about those experiences. This is an over-simplified way of explaining a complex brain process! I won't pretend to fully grasp the complexities, but I am very diligent about keeping up with the research as it pertains to my work. Simply put- We don't lose thoughts that come from our experiences. They shape our concepts of who we are and how we want to be in the world. For most people, most of the time this is a wonderful thing. It only becomes a problem when our thinking or perspective gets in the way of what we want.
What Do We Do?
I'm going to keep my answer light for the purpose of this space. -Let's talk it through-Pick a thought that shows up often and tends to keep you stuck. I'll pick a situation from my life as an example. I have a teenage new driver in my home! I really value teaching my kids to challenge themselves especially when it's difficult. I have not been living by this value when it comes to helping my daughter learn to drive. Avoidance has been the driver of this bus! I let the thoughts ,
" I can't do it. This makes me too nervous. Her father is much more patient",
boss me around. I really needed to give her more practice for many important reasons. So, I used one of my favorite coping strategies to help me stay on track!
Name Your Story!
This skill is helpful when you have many similar thoughts in regard to one area of your life that needs improvement. (I noticed that I had so many thoughts preventing me from getting in the car with my daughter.)
Step 1. Either bring to mind all the thoughts that are getting in the way or literally write the thoughts down on separate sheets of paper. (One thought on each sheet)
Step 2. Spend at least 30 seconds but as long as 2 minutes allowing yourself to get caught up in how all of these thoughts make you feel and get in the way. Really buy into the thoughts whether they are facts or judgments.
Step 3. Now imagine that these thoughts are the story and it needs a name. What would the title of this book be? (My title was the "Danger! Danger! Driving!" Story. It helps to make the title playful).
Step 4. Allow all the thoughts to come back into your mind again and flood your imagination. Silently say to yourself, " There's my ________________Story".
Step 5. Now thank your mind for trying to help you but also mention that you don't need that kind of help right now. Why is this important? See blog entry "My Mind is not the Enemy...but Why does it feel this way?" for a detailed explanation. Simply put, our mind is trying to keep us safe and out of harm's way. In my case my mind notices the anxiety about driving with my daughter and pulls out all the thoughts to keep me from putting myself in that position.
Step 6. At least once every day try the exercise out while also being mindful of a goal. Think of your goal, allow all the thoughts that interfere to flood your mind and then say, "There's my________Story again. Thanks mind. I know what you are trying to do. I just don't need it."
What do you notice each time you try this exercise? Any changes in the impact of the thoughts in the moment?
Step 7. When your thoughts show up when as are trying to work on your goal repeat the exercise. It will work much better with the scheduled practice rather than waiting for the thoughts to show up.
Now What?
This depends on your goal but the short answer is-Do what is meaningful and important to you in that moment. Do this even though your mind tells you that you can't. For me this meant when my daughter asked me to practice driving and the interfering thoughts showed up, I took her driving anyway.
Did this exercise get rid of these thoughts and make it easy to act?
NOPE!! I took my anxiety along for the ride, literally.
It is supposed to help take the power out of those thoughts so you can act in a purposeful way based on your values and not on your fears!
Please try this out and let me know what you think. Remember, that if it doesn't help that doesn't mean you did something wrong. Exercises are like experiments. They don't work all the time with everyone. However, I will never suggest anything that is not backed up by evidenced based research. Also, please take consideration that this blog is not a replacement for therapy. I certainly don't know what is going on in your life and recommend that you get therapeutic support if you have any concerns for your mental health.
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