Put That In Your Book and Shove It!

This is my version of the popular "Worry Time" exercise I'm sure some of you have tried. "Worry Time" is a great strategy for any person of any age who might be experiencing intrusive thinking. This intrusive thinking might even prevent them from engaging in regular activities and can lead to high levels of distress. This type of intrusive thinking can have an obsessive-compulsive function. A person experiences distress from the anxious thought itself and then also feels a compulsion to give the thought attention. This person is likely to worry that if they try not to engage the thought, something 'bad' might happen. The cycle begins- this anxious thought gets all the attention and reinforced to become very big and burdensome. The "Worry Time" strategy can alleviate these pressures. The worried thought is placed in the "Worry Box" either imaginal or literally on paper. Worry Time is then scheduled every day. At this time, the person sits down and 'opens' the Worry Box and addresses all the worried thoughts that have been 'stored' up all day. This strategy is tailored to fit the individual's need certainly. It experientially allows an anxious person to engage in the present moment by mindfully helping them care for the anxious thought. It lessons this person's concern that they aren't ignoring important thoughts. The goal is to not allow the thought to take over the moment when some other activity is more important.

Put In Your Book and Shove It!

Put It In Your Book and Shove it! exercise is meant to be playful and used with worries about 'typical' daily stressors for a child. (Please seek professional support if your child is experiencing significant anxiety that is impacting their functioning in a way that concerns you as their parent. ) Some examples of the worried thoughts this skill can help with are the following:

Let's imagine a Child comments to the parent constantly about an upcoming event and the question has already been answered and discussed -many times!

Child says,

"I don't want to go to the birthday party. No one is going to like me. She won't like her gift and will laugh at me. The kids will laugh at me. What if no one I know is there? What if I don't want to stay? What if I don't have fun?" ...etc.

In other words, the child keeps asking the same questions over and over about a non-threatening upcoming event and the parent is not concerned about the actual safety of the child. The parent is likely becoming frustrated because the child needs constant reassurance, and this behavior is getting in the way of the normal functioning of the family.

Step 1. Sit down and warmly and genuinely explain that you know how concerned they are about (.........the stressor). Tell them you have an idea called "Put that in Your Book and Shove it!" to help them. It should make them laugh a little. Explain as much as you need to about why you are doing this. I often suggest to parents that they tell their child they want to show them how capable they are in caring for their own feelings. Parents can show the child they trust them to handle difficult feelings and don't need constant reassuring to get through the moment. Parents can also validate their child's fears with this exercise.

Step 2. Talk about all the thoughts and questions their minds have been coming up with lately about this event/stressor. Prompt your child to imagine that these thoughts and questions are a story in a book. Ask them to come up with a name for this book. You may need to help them out. You might ask, " If all these worried thoughts and questions were chapters in a book what would you name it?" A suggested name for the above scenario might be the , "Scary Party Story".

Step 3. Make a book together by binding a bunch of blank pages or use a blank notebook. Have your child make a title page with their new Anxious Story name decorated on the front. ** This demonstrates that you care for the child's fears and validate them, and you are trusting them to handle these thoughts and feelings.

Step 4. Tell them every time they come to you with these same questions or same worried thoughts you are going to tell them to "Put It In Your Book and Shove it!" until you can get together to talk it out. ** hearing you say it is likely to encourage an experience of empowerment for the child. Essentially, they are learning to have control over their actions despite what fears show up inside.

Step 5. Schedule a 'talk it out' time regularly depending on your situation. This could be 5 minutes every day or once a week. Sit down consistently at this time with your child and tell them to bring this book. Open it up and talk about the worries stored away. I'm surprised how often kids don't actually want the 'talk it out' time. The child has essentially already coped with the fear on their own by writing it down earlier. Sometimes they still like the attention of talking about it again with an adult. Be sure to stay consistent with only keeping the talk to 5 minutes or less. If the time is too long it can become burdensome for the parent and likely too much to take on.

I love this exercise because it allows the child to feel validated -the parent cares and accepts that the child's fears are real and stressful. At the same time, the parent can teach the child to regulate difficult emotions on their own and encourage a lifetime of helpful coping! This strategy also greatly diminishes the distress placed on the entire family from those constant interruptions! Bonus: The Parent is less frustrated and much less likely to say or do something they regret after having to reassure the child for the millionth time!

Thank you allowing me to help you "Get Out From Under" the power of difficult thoughts and feelings.