Pretend My Hand Is My Brain?!?

What's the hardest thing about helping kids 'get out from under' their anxiety? Getting them to practice coping skills before anxiety gets big and tries to take over! Even adults find it difficult to fit in practice time so it's almost impossible to get their kids to do it! Ultimately, I've found that the adults have to prompt them to practice and this can be very frustrating! Parents are usually already struggling to help their kids and now the therapist is telling them they have to do what??? Get them to practice something on top of all the schoolwork they already don't want to do?

INTRODUCING........Dr. Dan Seigal's Hand Model of The Brain!

Kids have a built-in reminder of how they can better cope with difficult feelings that may pop up out of the blue. Yep! You guessed it- their hands. Watch this video and show it to your child. There are many more advanced videos on YouTube if interested in more of the science behind the model.

This intervention helps in so many ways. Let's break it down:

1. Explaining the different parts of the brain in this simple way makes complex brain mechanisms interesting and fun! This awareness itself can create a shift for the child in the way they notice their emotions- I call it a 'pause' when explaining to my families.

2. This understanding validates your child's thoughts and feelings and how their brains are wired to make change hard.

3. It can give you and your child hope about how practice can help make change happen. After they identify how they are feeling by using their hands teach them a way to calm their bodies. Pick any mindfulness tool like slow breathing, counting or naming 5 things they can see.

4. Using the Hand Model of the Brain both in practice and in the moment a big emotion shows up creates a way your child can express themselves without words.

5. Both the parent and the child have a shared strategy to use in the moment. This can create that pause between stimulus (what triggers the emotion and the emotion itself) and the response (how the child behaves ). The automatic response is turned off and a more helpful choice can be made.

Feel free to try and use the model the way I suggest to my client families.

Watch the videos together. Share an "autopilot" (kid friendly version) response you are working on or have worked on. When parents struggle to find a goal I often suggest they use something like how they feel and respond in traffic while driving. Another common example is to talk about how you feel and react to big messes at home or when you are running late.

Use the Hand Model to show what's going on in the brain and share how you plan to use the model. Pick deep breaths or touching thumb to each finger over and over to encourage mindful engaging with bringing the attention to slowing down and paying attention to their choices. Feel free to come up with any creative calming tool to use along with the Hand Model. Agree to practice every day together for about a minute or two.(Longer is not necessary.) Adding incentives to practice can be helpful but not necessary with most younger kids. They enjoy the 1:1 attention from the parent. Some kids will push back if they tend to resist anything the parent suggests. In this case, don't get into a battle with them. Tell them , "Okay, I will practice by myself. Maybe you will do it with me next time." Let them see you practice it. Make it fun!

Regular practice greatly increases the chance the skill will work in the moment of a big emotion. It is doubtful that any skill will be successful if it is not practiced when the child is calm. After daily practice, begin to use the skill when you notice the first stages of a big emotion in your child. Hold up your hand and encourage them to show you where they are in the process of 'flipping their lids'. They can demonstrate without words exactly how distressed they are. Prompt them to use one of the calming skills you have been practicing to help all the parts of the brain work together.

Sometimes I make clay models of the hand for younger kids. They like to put them somewhere at home as a way to remember to practice.

Have Fun with It!!