top of page
Search

No Counseling Behavior Charts!

angie03212

It doesn't matter how long I've worked with a family or how amazingly evidenced based the treatment method is, there is always one behavior that remains difficult. If not, an annoying behavior is just around the corner. That's the human nature of being a parent. The behavior could be frustrating for any parent, or it could just be you. Doesn't matter- It's hard! If you can relate pick one of your kiddo's frustrating behaviors (count yourself lucky if you only have one to begin with). I know it's hard to stay focused on one behavior at a time. I promise that this method is much more productive than trying to tackle a few at a time. You will likely give in or give up- it's too much!


Common Challenges:

  • Mealtime!

  • yelling

  • whining

  • sibling being mean to the other

  • using hurtful words or curse words to the parent


Try the following Steps if you have an infuriating behavior in your midst!

  • Pick the problem and give it an easy to understand and simple name that all caregivers use consistently. For example- " You are never allowed to use hurtful words."

  • Make sure it is very clear to children under 8 and discuss examples of this behavior.

  • Introduce the Magic Jar (or call it something else depending on the personality of your child). I like to tell kids that their parents are going to use this Jar to help them access their "magic or superhero" powers to stop this behavior.

  • Pick a jar the size of a Mason Jar or smaller. Pick the items to be collected based on size and age of your child. For kids under 8/9 years old pick something large enough that the jar will fill up after about 10 items are placed inside. Older kids can handle it taking longer to receive the reward.

  • I'm sure you can guess the concept of the process. Every time you observe them engaging in the opposite of the behavior you want to eliminate; you give them an object to place in the jar. It is important that you actively try to catch them quite often in the beginning (even if it's an exaggeration to get them motivated).

  • When you observe the disruptive behavior tell them you are going to remove the 'pom pom' (or penny, or rubber ball etc) from the jar.

  • It's imperative that you plan to ignore any whining or crying when you first begin to take the objects out. If you refuse to engage with your kid's pushback, then it will stop fairly quickly.

  • When the jar is full, they receive the agreed upon reward. Adjust the reward based on your specific circumstances i.e., child's age, significance of the behavior etc.


The science behind the Magic Jar. Kids are reinforced in the moment by receiving the object and placing it in the jar. Most young kids need an immediate reinforcement for continuing the desired behavior or understanding the consequence within 1-2 minutes of being corrected. The larger later reward will have an added effect to reinforce continued progress. For older kids the larger later reward can be enough to help them make better decisions in the moment. Younger kids need sooner smaller reinforcements for behavior change.

Why Parents Love it! It's simple and completely in your control. It is hard to 'make' a child do a chore as a consequence. Some kids take this opportunity to push back and be even more difficult. Now the parent is even more frustrated! Giving and taking away the object also gives the parent something to put their attention towards no matter how frustrated they might feel. Usually, it's frustration that leads to parent action that is regretted and/or is not effective in reducing the behavior. There are no complicated behavior charts. Simple- Object in and Object out. No need for yelling or fussing. No Battles! (They may try but it doesn't count if you don't battle back.)


Good Luck!

7 views0 comments

Comments


bottom of page