Are You Stuck in the Loop of Suffering because of No Motivation?

"I just feel tired and terrible. Leave me alone lady!"

This feels terrible and I get you! Want to know the good news?

You Don't have to Feel Motivated to get Moving!

My clients often tell me they feel no motivation to make the changes they know will improve their lives. I empathize with them every single time. We have all tried at some point to make a necessary change without success. Some of us know exactly what steps to take but don't. When we ask ourselves what "no motivation" means, we probably have thoughts like:

I don't feel good. I'm too depressed and I have no energy.

These thoughts and feelings are no joke and can be so difficult to manage! However, if we wait until we 'feel good' to do important things or take meaningful action we might wait forever. Then we get stuck in the Loop of Suffering.

I Feel down so I Don't Do What's Important to me. Then I feel even more down and less likely to do those important things. Ugh!!!

More good news? It's impossible to have zero motivation while you're breathing on this earth. Motivation is the desire to do something. Every single thing we do or don't do has some motivation, although this is not always easy to determine. Even the decision not to do meaningful things is motivated by something. If a client truly has a desire to do something but doesn't, there is a reason. I'll simplify this to illustrate the point. Taking important steps often involves discomfort and uncertainty, making safety and comfort motivators to stay put.

Humans Don't like the feeling of uncertainty!

The motivator to stay put is feeling comfortable and certain and is very powerful. It can often be stronger than the motivation behind making a change. The cost of this comfort in the long run becomes remoteness from our values.

What Can You Do?

1. Ensure that your goal is truly something you want. Consider the value underlying this goal and whether it aligns with your own values. At times, we establish goals based on what others believe is best for us. We often set certain goals because it's what we're 'expected' to do. This is perfectly fine unless we find ourselves stuck and unable to see any personal value in pursuing this step.

2. If the goal is something you truly desire, then spend some time reflecting on what this means for your life. Journaling, mindfulness or talking with a trusted person can help you connect on a deeper level.

I've worked with folks so terribly stuck that they've felt a sense of being frozen. Frozen because they keep making the same unhelpful choices over and over. Sound familiar? Start small with a morning mindfulness moment. Spend a few minutes each morning thoughtfully exploring what it will be like to make the change.

3. Divide your goals into smaller actions. Consider this question: "Is there a 75% likelihood that I'll take this step within the next week regardless of circumstances?" If your answer is yes, you're on track! If your answer is "No!", then simplify the goal into a more manageable action.

4. Make sure you are prepared and willing to experience some discomfort. Make a list of the discomforting symptoms. Ask yourself if the goal is worth experiencing this discomfort. If the answer is no, see step # 1. If the answer is "yes" move to step 5 below.

5. Create a tool kit of coping skills to get through this discomfort. Deep breathing, muscle relaxation, imaginal exercises etc.

   
   
   
   

Big changes are not made in a straight line!

Don't beat yourself up if you fall off the change wagon. Think of each day as a fresh start. Try silently saying to yourself, "It's okay, I will work again on this tomorrow".

You only need one thing to be sure you are still on track: Are you Willing?

• If you are still willing to feel uncertain and some discomfort because this goal is important- You Are On Track!

Share Your Goal with a Trusted Person

• It can be very reinforcing to know we can check in with a trusted friend or family member.

It is not easy to break old habits or to begin new ones. Start slowly and take it easy on yourself at first. There is time to build as you begin to feel more confident in achieving the smaller steps first. Don't try to skip past the feelings of uncertainty and anxiety—use coping strategies when they show up. Eventually, they will fade into the background as if you turned down the volume in your mind.